Monthly Archives: September 2006

where the wild things were

You ask a question
you get an answer
Then you go and do something about it.

I don’t always know intrisically what the question is, so finding the right question is just as miraculous as finding the answer.

ok kiddo so you have your answer, now what? what are you going to do about it?

That’s where I keep getting tripped up.

For instance this morning I woke up to this song I’ve woken up to since I was a junior in high school. Whenever I heard it in the morning I’d keep my eyes closed and lay for a few more minutes and just listen. For 4 minutes and 56 seconds, I didn’t have to breathe I could just feel what it was the song mades me feel, but I could never place what it was or why I felt it.

Then it stopped. So I stopped listening to it.

Today I woke up to the song again and I tried so hard to feel whatever it was that I always felt when I listened to it, but I couldn’t do it. So I tried remembering instead of trying to recreate it. And this familiar image came to mind of a rainy day in southern california at a little coffee shop near the beach.

The flood gates were opened and everything started to make sense. I remembered wishing myself out of where I was and a voice that sang of how possible my dreams were. I fell in love because I finally felt understood. It was my guilty pleasure to indulge in the idea that somone out there was my soul mate because everything he wrote spoke to me.

But in reality the guy I worshipped didn’t exsist. I found it out in the worst way, like a little girl finding out santa clause is her dad before she’s ready to handle that kind of magic crushing truth.

So many of my dreams seemed so right in my mind but just didn’t work out so well on paper. How do you reconcile the way things are to how you always thought they should be when they aren’t even close to being the same?

question: why do I feel so uninspired?
answer: because I feel disappointed?
what now: I don’t know?