Monthly Archives: December 2006

death of facebook

So I’ve been home since Saturday.
Every time I come home I feel like I need to remember something I’ve forgotten.
I feel like I need to find some meaning in remembering. I need to rediscover my sense of self by exploring the savage jungles of my past. And it’s always really emotionally exhausting.

I started to this time around. I went and looked at my old clothes, rummaged through old papers and journals. Picked up a yearbook, looked for old friends at the mall. It’s a routine that is becoming all too familiar, and I worked myself into a funk. I was suddenly really unhappy and I couldn’t figure out why, except I came home needing answers and all I found were more questions.

That is when I decided I needed a fresh plan of action. “If you’re not getting answers ask better questions” -Cartel.

See just recently I had a discovery. I was faced with a brand new problem I’d never come accross before. But instead of treating it like new uncharted territory, I tried to solve it with the old equations and patterns. I tried for a long time to make sense of it by comparison. I kept trying to fit a square into a circle. It’s the difference between advancing in an area of study by getting more and more detailed and complex; and advancing to a new area of study all together.

This has opened entirely new windows of thought for me. It’s helped.me to deal with problems more creatively, helped me to think outside of the box.

So when I got home and I started feeling nostalgic, I thought,”No we’re not doing this again, I came home for a break, and I’m not going to put myself through this.” I just want to enjoy spending time with my family instead of clamming up and getting all introspective and trying to reconnect myself with my former self.

The adage goes if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. It’s true just try different ways. Don’t keep trying the same thing over and over again. That is stupid.

K so my problem coming home was, I haven’t really felt identifiable lately. I’ve felt like a blob of borrowed ideas and mannerisms, romping around in nice conceptually but poorly practiced outfits. I’ve been a little undecided about who I am and who I am becoming, and not really liking either. I spent a lot of time hunting people down on myspace and facebook, and then reading their profiles and what kind of music they liked trying to figure out if they were cooler than me or not. I 86ed my facebook so I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore.

I’ve also found that reading my scriptures makes me feel more myself.



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Welp he asked so I’m going to give him an answer.

So this guy asked me the other day, “Marla what would it take for a guy to get you to fall in love with him?” without any further ado I present to you my final answer…I’m presenting this as a personal slight to every guy I am 100% sure will never read it.

He would have to:
1. Be conscious. If you refer to dictionary.com, “having the mental faculties fully active.” This goes beyond your typical booksmarts and/or intellectualism.I’ve heard it described as someone who has a big spirit. It seems to have to do with the combination of a kind heart, imagination, and a dedication to rational thought process.

Alcohol, obsession with superficial social life, and crappy music all work to nullify consciousness.

I find this to be the most attractive but rare quality for someone to posess. I will love someone who gives themself over to just thinking about things. If someone can challenge a well-thought out conclusion of mine, I will be impressed, and weak in the knees.

2.[he would have to] not be depressed and full of self pity. Here is why. If a person who is happy and likes themself shows interest in you, essentially they are saying, “Hey I think you are cool enough to date me.” If a person is miserable and thinks they are an ugly waste shows interest in you they are saying, “If you date me, you must be pretty lame, b/c otherwise you wouldn’t date me.” Also if someone is comfortable with themselves you are more likely to feel comfortable around them. I am so tired of going on dates with guys who can’t talk about anything else except how boring they are.

3. He would have to be taller or at least bigger than me, b/c I do not want to be the man in a relationship.

4. He would need to laugh at my jokes, or make me laugh, or laugh at the same things I did.

5. Being an intelligent person he would understand that relationships take time. There is no need to be in a rush, I’m not going anywhere. There is no need for hurry.

6.He would have to have a lot of faith, and a relationship with God. He would have to be a really good guy. Not just someone who goes through the motions of obediantly following the rules. But someone who has built character from consistantly and intellitgently making right choices.

I think such a person would understand the connection between love and sacrafice. Because so many people are out to see what they can take from love and not what love they possess to offer.

7. So many people are selfish, needy and insecure. I would love someone for being selfless, independant, and confidant.

Now that I’ve talked about what I want, I would like to issue a personal challenge to all my readers. GO find out what it is YOU want, and NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER settle for anything less, not even for one night. Have faith that when you know, you know, and if you don’t know, then it’s not right so move on and quit wasting everyones time. And while we’re on the topic of time, Relationships take time to build they do not come over night and if you force intimacy and rush into it before know the person, then you WILL end up settling. Slow DOWN!!!

Please read this article it will blow your mind.

http://health.msn.com/centers/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100144109