Monthly Archives: February 2007

…I wrote a poem.

A million people have your backside.
    I see you everywhere I’d go.
I would love to tell you about my latest idea
       I kept trying to recreate this one perfect time,
Then I decided to not think in absolutes-
& enjoy being wherever I am.
It’s funny though, memories are so untouchable-
       Inherently impossible to recreate.
I wonder what you would think about it.
          I really think it’s an idea you’d like.
OH! I found this great new singer.
    she has a really eclectic voice,
             & clever lyrics.
    I’ve kept her my little secret
I like to listen to her whenever I feel
…a little too much like everything else.
Is it weird to you I think about you so much?
My brother lives here now & he’s my closest friend.
He makes me notice you not being around less
       To be honest, I’m not sure you’d get along.
    You’d probably think he was dumb or close minded
  & he’d probably think you were queer, no offense.
I’ve seen a couple good movies, got a new job
    I painted this picture it turned out better than I’d expected.
 I’m learning to cook and I’m also learning to play the cello
          but I’d bet you write that off as me trying too hard, like the time I thought it’d be cool to be Clementine for halloween.
    I’ve given a lot of time over to thinking
about the problems you shared with me.
    The contradictions you couldn’t make
sense of it, & understand the doubts that plagued your mind.
    I didn’t know what to say!
I’d never come accross these things,
     I’ve never been this way before.
You were all new to me.
    and I Knooow EVERYONE has tried EVERYTHING
to help you.
    But there are just two things I want to tell you.
1st. If you’re not getting answers, ask better questions ( I heard that in a song)
2nd. If there is a God, how would you propose he introduce himself to you?
And for his sake be honest, we’re both so unhappy if there is no meaning.

apathy could save a life.

I don’t hate love, or the color pink, but do we have to give it a holiday? This is exactly what I fundamentally can’t stomach about the world my parents brought me into. Normally I would take this day to embark on a quest to somehow accept my singlehood, and reconcile my lonliness with some newfound self worth, but today I woke up thinking about something entirely off the subject. I dreamt about cheerleading, so I woke up formulating a conversation I would have with a squad about responsibility to the school and community and being nice people if I were a coach. (I used to cheer, I don’t know if you know this but I really want to coach someday) Anyway, one thing led to another and I decided to start the morning off by writing in my journal (something I usually save till the afternoon.) As I started to write the date, I realized for the first time today, it was the first day of February.

Quickly, two thoughts passed through my mind.
1.”13 days till valentines day, probobly not going to have a boyfriend this year, again.”
2. “Thank _____, February is so damn short”

and that was that, I put it all behind me and moved on until-

Just now, I was sitting at my desk at work minding my own business, trying to get a little homework done, when my boss deposits a pile of hearts on my desk and tells me to go decorate the office. So I finish the paragraph and try to find some way to hang up these damned wire streamer things. I scour the office for some push pins, which for some reason we’ve got a hundred and all of them are in use, so I steal some from the sigma tau delta board. With sheer blunt force and some scotch tape I develop this method that is nothing short of genius.

 Anyway, I’m in the process when this guy from my english class who I think is cute walks by…with a girlfriend…there is this awkward exchange of glances that convey a message like, “Hey I know you but I have less than a millisecond to acknowledge that before I walk completely past the doorway!” and there I was, me the epitome of all that is single standing, alone, ineptly, with a pile of hearts in hand.

I’ll give you a second to swallow all that irony.