Monthly Archives: July 2009

Ironic that they go to see Wuthering Heights in the movie.

I just started watching a movie and bailed on it. Cider House Rules. I really do not like Charlize Theron’s character, she is just worthless. She can’t stand being alone, she has no redeeming qualities, she has no identity just needy and insecure and selfish. 

She doesn’t want to choose to cheat on her boyfriend, so she tells Tobey Maguire’s character to just wait and see what happens as if, if something does happen, it’ll just happen, and it won’t be anyone’s fault. He doesn’t realize it until too late. I hate that. I know people like her. I don’t ever want to be that way. 


1. Suite 3 in C allemande – Bach (Cello Suites)
2. Complicated- Avril Levigne
3. Campaign Button –Fionn Regan
4. Danse (Tarantelle Styrienne) – Claude Debussy
5. Hanging By a Thread – Nickel Creek
6. If it were up to me – Rooney
7. A Journey in the Dark – Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings)
8. Christmas – Leona Naess
9. Empty Apartments – Yellowcard
10. Red Red Red – Fiona Apple
11. Jellybones – The Unicorns
12. My Poor Brain – Foo Fighters
13. One Evening – Feist
14. Homecoming King – Guster
15. Fine Dining – Jason Mraz

I think you could look at this list and get a very insightful and accurate idea of who I am. For instance. 

1. I took cello lessons and had to quit so I could go on a mission but I love the Prelude to the first cello suite hence I bought this cd. 
2.My brother and I love avril levigne. He loved her I loved her music. Now we like to sing out loud to her in the car
3.This actually doesn’t say much about me, I just bought this album.
4. I listen to NPR because I like to get news from an unbiased reliable source, I also like talk radio and Jazz Sundays, recently they had a Debussy hour, and I liked it a lot.
5. Nickel Creek was the last concert I went to before my mission, I grew up in the midwest so bluegrass is part of my culture from there. Plus they are just three of the most talented musicians around, they’ve never done anything I didn’t like.
6. I used to think I was a misplaced beach bumb. From like 7th grade on up, I worked at Pac Sun, and my email address was I therefore identified with this type of music.
7. Just love the Lord of the Rings, I cried for hours after I read the appendices at the end of Return of the King. I cried because it was over and there was no more adventure to be had. It broke my heart that the fellowship didn’t stay together forever the way that I feel like friends should.
8. I heard her shopping at a trendy store in salt lake. I like style, but I don’t worship it. I actually disrespect people who buy clothes at this particular store just because it’s so expensive. I feel like those people are overly concerned with image and are probably overcompensating for lack of substance.
9. A little piece of history. I heard about thsi cd when I was on a cruise with my cousin. We made a couple of really good friends on that trip, Nic and Brad. Nic told me about them, I went home and bought the cd straightway and listened to it over and over and over again. I still like it. I still miss them. That was the best vacation.
10. I associate Fiona Apple with Lisa Loeb, who was my inspiration for wanting to learn the guitar. I saw a girl play Stay for a talent show when I was in middle school and I knew then and there that is what I wanted to learn how to play.
11. This is evidence of my attempts to be unique by my music and define myself by my music, and more for the idea than for the reality. I actually bought this cd a long time ago, thinking cool an artist I’ve never found on someones list of favorites, and they are associated with one of my favorite childhood fantasy creatures (You should have seen all my glass unicorns I collected from flea markets and lisa frank notebooks) Unfortunately the money I spent was a waste, I don’t like the album. Which seems poetically just since I was being a hypocrite and doing exactly what I resent other people for doing.
12. I used to be in plays and one time me and andrew were a firetruck in Pinnochio II. We’d sit on stage behind our cardboard cut out and sing “Everlong” until the lights came up.
13…also a new album doesn’t say anything about me, but I like her a lot.
14. My stepbrother is on the Guster street team. Do bands still do that? Anyway one Christmas when I was working at the mall (Pac Sun) The song careful came on all the time. Drew finally told me who sang it. Later on in life my roommate Lil would play this song on the guitar and I would harmonize. So I have a step family…
15. This is by far the most identifying track. First of all it’s underground Mraz that isn’t on any of his released albums. It’s more true to his old acoustic sound that I loved so much. SECONDLY if you know me you have to understand that Jason Mraz’s music at a time “save[d my] mortal soul” I started listening when I was a junior in high school (7 years ago). I felt like a big fish in a small pond and I was lonely lonely lonely. I listened to his music and it was like he articulated everything I thought and felt or wanted to be or get out of life. For the first time my existance was validated because somewhere out there, there was someone just like me.  He was my first true love. Now of course things have changed, I still haven’t even bothered to buy the new album. I probably won’t, I don’t like it.


willful ambiguity

“The changing and variable interpretations given to any particular color at any particular time or place exemplify a final characteristic of much Islamic art: its willful ambiguity. Because there is no clergy in Islam to prescribe or maintain any given meaning for any particular symbol or theme, there was much more latitude for the viewer to interpret it at will.”

I read this today in my assigned reading for Islamic Civ. Coincidence? What does it mean?

The art of living by the scientific method

It’s better to be observant and aware than to be oblivious. It’s better to understand and be able to interpret what you observe than to just observe. 

Here is a new concept for me: Ascribing new meaning to things in the past that I’ve already given meaning to.

I didn’t realize that was an option. I thought after I had passed through an experience and thoughtfully reflected on it, I could arrive at a conclusion, deciding what it was I was meant to learn or gain from said experience…then write about it in my journal and move on. Only revisiting it to draw added light to help me understand present or future experiences. It never occurred to me that I could reevaluate it all together and discover a different meaning than the one I had initially found. 

I read The Chosen right when I got home from Russia. One of my favorite quotes is something Danny’s father says to him, “At the moment when there seems to be no meaning in life, at that moment a person must try to find NEW meaning.” (emphasis added) I guess until you come across a contradiction that challenges the meaning you’ve already found, you don’t have any reason to go out in search of new meaning. 
I remember coming home and looking at my book shelf and thinking “What shall I read first?” (I often talk to myself in first person biblical english.) I feel like there must have been a divine hand that grasped mine, lifted it, and, in answer, placed it on that book. In fact I remember buying it at a thrift store, and now that I think of it, there must have been a divine hand in leading me to buy it in the first place. That isn’t the point though, just interesting to me, I mean, how things work out.

Ultimately, meaning is decided on. It’s a matter of perspective, not a matter of fact. The facts are boring observations, and, in and of themselves, worthless. Facts cannot be decided on, they just are. Meaning and perspective, on the other hand, are a matter of choice and are a manifestation of the source. They say a lot about who you are. 

Sometimes I have an aversion to how I see things. I’m bothered by what it says about me or the unfavorable light it sheds on someone else. The only way to change the way you interpret things (without lying and just pretending to feel or think a certain way) Is to change yourself. Gospel plug, that after all, is the object of the atonement and repentance.
My problem lately is that I assess new situations in light of the past and quickly assign meaning to them, only to realize, not much later, that I did not give the new situation time to reveal itself to me and be  new and different from the past, so I have to go back and rethink everything. I’m always having to fight my propensity to make life into a formula.
(Theory modified as needed)
Additional Experiments

We are cups constantly and quietly being filled…

Did you know that the Glory of God is intellilgence and the glory of a woman is her hair?

That’s the Bible for you. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

We watched part of a documentary in class today about 6 women who survived Nazi concentration camps. They were teenage girls at the time and my teacher insightfully remarks that there are few creatures so vivacious and fiesty and capable of survival through inclimate circumstance as teenage girls.
One woman darkly laughs at how, towards the end of her “stay” in Auschwitz, she was visited by the notorious doctor Josef Mengele, who after checking her throat told her that if she survived somehow she should get her tonsels removed. She had thought it was funny that, given her situation, he would make such an ironic statement.

You have to ask yourself where did that response come from? The way she talked about it, I imagined her, what was left of her, walking back into the barracks and finding her fellow victim girl friends and telling them what a funny thing had just been told her, and the 3 or 4 of them having a good laugh about it.

I read a short bio of Elie Wiesel once, where he was quoted saying that love was the only adequate response to evil. Of him it was said that the uncomprehensible horror he had witnessed and experienced did not ruin his spirit, the way war can do, but instead had nurtured a profound and deep understanding and love of humanity.
In contrast we have plenty examples, not worth mentioning, of people who once exposed to the worst of human nature, take it and run with it making their own terrible mark on history and the future. 
Another woman on the documentary today said she did not want to glorify the past and paint a picture of super men and super women, “but we tried, we always tried.”
What makes the differnce I think is what you invest in a person in the first place. 
“A glass can only spill what it contains”

-Abraham Lincoln.